Being unable to connect with people, whether that be romantically or platonically is like having an attic full of tools you don’t know about. You’ve got the tools already, you just don’t know they’re there or how to use them. We are all born with the abilities we need to relate to and form relationships with our peers (except in the case of autistic spectrum disorders or particular learning difficulties). These abilities have been hard wired into our brains through the process of evolution over thousands of years as they’re crucial to our survival as social animals. It was just as important for our stoneage ancestors to be able to form alliances or hunting partnerships with each other as it is for you and me to succeed at an interview or on the dating scene.
You may feel that people who are really good at being outgoing and social are just the lucky people who were born that way.
Yes indeed there are some ‘naturals’, the ‘lucky people’ who seem to have just glided through life without having any problems making friends, finding dates and creating personal or business connections. “They were just born extroverts” you might say. They ‘know how the game works’. I would partially agree with you. Some people develop an outgoing personality through their childhood experiences and end up as adults who have no trouble creating connections. They have naturally developed a good set of social skills.
The way I see it however, is that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses.Some people might be really athletic, others academically gifted.Some develop skills in music or art whereas others might be good at forming relationships.
But……. NOBODY has it all.
The good news is whether you’re here because you feel you don’t have good social skills or whether you just want to improve on your existing skills, sociability is a VERY LEARNABLE skill. You CAN IMPROVE. Just like playing a sport, an instrument, working out at the gym or even learning a martial art. You might suck at it when you start off and might find it a challenge. However if you persist, change will come. You might not notice that change immediately, but people around you will and may even tell you how much more confident or centered you seem.Eventually you will start to feel it too when you’re no longer nervous in situations you were previously.You’ll begin to feel balanced, comfortable and in control during social situations.
How long this improvement takes is really up to you. If you are willing to make this a priority and you’re dedicated to getting this part of your life sorted, change will happen quickly. I’m talking weeks to months. It will be an ongoing improvement however and with each passing month, you will notice yourself getting more confident; more powerful in your abilities to strike up conversations; ‘click’ with people; and form awesome social circles.
It’s possible to acheive massive improvement even on a timescale of hours and I will be tellling you exactly how to do that, taking you step by step. You might not believe this until it’s happened to you.
I know people who have gone from crippling anxiety to being happy, funny and confident meeting a large groups of people. They’ve CHOSEN to improve their social abilities and it’s your CHOICE too as to whether you want to improve this skill set.
Like all skills, it does take perseverance, but it’s an area of your life in which improvement will act as a catalyst for success in other areas of life, like your career, your relationships and your sense of self-worth and happiness. I’ll go into more detail on how this works in the next blog. This was a short post just to dispel that classic misconception that social skills can’t be learnt.
I’ll be putting a lot of free stuff on this site and writing about some really powerful techniques you can use to improve your social powers quickly. I don’t want you to miss out on this so if you haven’t already, make sure you sign up to my mailing list here or at the bottom of my homepage.
Now go to my next post here where I describe exactly how going through this journey of improvement can improve both your personal and work life and see me list the changes you can expect to see in yourself as you become more socially comfortable and confident.
See you soon.